Tommy L Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Hello, It has come to my attention that there is a diverse range of nationalities amongst the users of cgarchitect forum. It has also come to my attention that the english have the best sense of humour. If you would like to prove me wrong, please enter the ongoing competition listed below: '2005 International Joke Competition' Rules: 1 Judges* decision is final 2 Jokes shall be merited with a score out of ten 3 Prizes to be awarded in January 2014 4 Keep it as clean as your conscience allows 5 No Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman jokes allowed. Example joke: Q; Why did Dr spock go to the toilet? A; To see the Captains log. Ha Ha. Let the competition commence. I think that joke has indeed set the bar quite high. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piotrgreg Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 bingo Tommy! I agree the previous discussion turned off the subject may I go out of compete? here,s mine: how beging most of Scottish cookery-books? i.e. "... borrow 1 egg and a pound of flour..." ha ha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommy L Posted March 11, 2005 Author Share Posted March 11, 2005 7 but on a friday afternoon? 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STRAT Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Q) what do you call a 3 leg'ed donkey A) a wonky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STRAT Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Q) Where does Kylie buy her kebabs? A) from Jason's Doner Van Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kris Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Guy was walking by the river and he notices a man playing ches with his dog He talks to him: I cant belive your dog knows to play ches Man: he knows sheat, I am beating him 4:2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fran Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 VERY IMPORTANT - PLEASE READ! Police today warned all men who frequent clubs and parties to stay cautious when offered drinks by women. Females are using a 'date-rape drug' called "Beer" to target unsuspecting men. This drug comes in liquid form and is available nearly everywhere! "Beer" as it is commonly referred to, is used by 'female predators' to persuade hapless male victims to go home with them. Women need only persuade a man to consume a few of these "Beers," and then ask him home for 'no-strings-attached Sex', ... a simple approach that renders most men helpless. After several "Beers," men will have sex with even unattractive women. Often men awaken with only hazy memories of the night before, a horrible headache, and a vague feeling that something bad appened. Some really unfortunate men are even separated from their life's savings in a scam called "a relationship!" In extreme cases, females have entrapped unsuspecting males into long-term servitude through a punishment called "Marriage!" Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam once "Beer" is administered. Forward this warning to every male you know! And, if you or some man you know, have fallen victim to this insidious "Beer" and the predatory women who administer it, rest assured - male support groups exist in every major city where you can discuss the ugly details of your encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support group nearest you, look in the Yellow Pages under "Golf Courses." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newke Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 What's the hell ! I don't understand any of your jokes ! I have to stop eating frogs ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelfoZ Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Q: what is the diferences between dalmata and M. jackson? A: Dalmata are black with white balls, and M. jackson are white with black balls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BSArch98 Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Two men walked into a bar...which is weird...because you would think that if the first guy walked into it, the second guy would miss it. wakka wakka wakka!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim Nelson Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Q: What do you call a potato that thinks a lot? A: A MEDITATOR! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelfoZ Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 is monday yet ? i mean, is 2014 yet ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STRAT Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 did i win? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fran Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 did i win? Stephen, I think people other than those who live with sheep have to find the joke funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STRAT Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 you guys just aint got no sence of humour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ernest Burden III Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 Not exactly a joke, but pretty funny (to me). Rod Stewart is to get married again (from CNN ) This is the same guy who once said that if he ever thought to marry again, he would be better to "find a woman I don't like and buy her a house". Men never learn. See Fran's post above. I bet there was some of that 'beer' involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommy L Posted March 14, 2005 Author Share Posted March 14, 2005 Not a bad start, results so far as follows: Strat, rubbish donkey joke, 5/10. Strat, redeems himself with Kylie classic, 9/10 Kris, awfully old chess dog joke, 1/10 (maybe its a new one to croatia) Martin, great start with a wonderfully un-pc joke, 9/10 Fran, long story, but a common spam joke. 7/10 for effort. Delfoz, Jackson joke I havnt heard before, brave broaching of current affairs, 8/10 Christofer Yates, storms into the lead with a 10/10-er!! Great bar gag from the american! Timmy Nelson...... potatoes? Your one of those americans who says "Im Irish" aintcha?? Letting down the bro's from over the pond, 0/10. Well, the battle of the nations continues with america in the lead.....Im dissapointed with the European response. I need austrians and italians to join the fight against the axis of evil american pun-spinners! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fran Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Sorry, my uncommon jokes are too common for this forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ernest Burden III Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Sorry, my uncommon jokes are too common for this forum. I didn't even make the 'comments from a brit' round. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IC Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Why is Lt. Uhura brown?-Uh, no can't use that one. Did you hear about the dwarf who bought a camel-nope, not that one either. The Queen Mothe....nope. What do you call.....no. Two Engli.....no,no,no. Count me out. Silly game anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim Nelson Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Awww give me a break! I never said I was Irish! Besides I thought their big thing was the Guiness these days. I know the joke was bad but I made it up myself. Oh well, I guess it shows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommy L Posted March 14, 2005 Author Share Posted March 14, 2005 Now now kids, no dissention in the ranks please. As the Americans have scored a perfect ten, I am now raising the bar. The jokes will now be marked.........wait for it...........out of...........eleven! So come on 'rest of the world allstars', serve me a cheeky one with a 'Whoop' and a 'Hell-yeah'. Apologies to those who didnt make the grade (ernest and fran) but its a cut and thrust world out there, im just trying to teach you life lessons. Dont give up at the first hurdle! PS Tim: c'mon man, i was being kind. That joke was truly awful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim Nelson Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 PS Tim: c'mon man, i was being kind. That joke was truly awful. Haha, OK how bout this one....What do you call an annoying potato?.......An Irri-tator! HAHAHAHA!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommy L Posted March 14, 2005 Author Share Posted March 14, 2005 Ooooooooooh! now youre getting it... not quite an eleven, but if you keep practicing you could be as good as me one day. Let me give you an example elevener: Q: why did the chicken go to see a psychic? A: To reach the other side. and another: Q:why did the baker have smelly hands? A: because he kneaded a poo. See what i did there? A veritable melange of hilarity in a meagre two lines of text. How d'you like them apples. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim Nelson Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Brilliant! Thats my kind of joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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