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nisus
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Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. I do know what you mean though. My wife and I had never argued as much as when we were engaged, either before or since. Best wishes to you man.

 

I am with you on that Brian. We fought more during the year before our wedding than we ever have. Mostly it was about the wedding. I found the wedding planning very stressful. I would have been happy with a much ... cheaper event. But it was great and I was very happy that day.

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I found the wedding planning very stressful. I would have been happy with a much ... cheaper event. But it was great and I was very happy that day.

 

Same here. We paid for our own wedding and honeymoon, so it added up and we were very young. I still don't know how we swung it.

 

But being married can be a really big adjustment. I would like to think that you (Evert) can find a way to meet her halfway and work it out. It's OK to have this problem, but better if you can get past it together. Seperate is such a waste. Try. How much are you willing to give up? Her? Can you do that? What matters more to you than that? You may have realized that it wasn't so perfect looking foreward versus looking backward, and that was all that was carrying you both. But I doubt it. I guess you have to make a decision--this is OK with me, or this ISN'T OK, and act accordingly. In the end it will be up or down, so make that choice now. If its up, make it work somehow, give things up to keep what's important. Or walk away and don't look back.

 

I'm sorry for the pain you must both be in.

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Tnx all. Tnx for the support. It helps, although it's hard to explain... well it's simple... it was just too much in one month... don't think any relationship would stand this pressure...

 

huge deadlines at work, a new employee to train, the decision to get married in about 8 weeks (that's ok, the WHOLE planning took only a few days (seriously!)), the move (new appartment) in less than 4 weeks, halfway the move her dad died, so we spent 2 weeks in the US (making more damage on the deadlines (pitty, but i had to be there!)), her dutch tests (final exam), the need to be out of the old loft at the risk of breaking the contract (i.e. one year more to stay, and so double rent)... and of course her grief for the loss, and our agitation and irratation (stress)... This all in one month: september... pff! I need to rest! Unfortunately, first the deadlines...

 

Tnx again ,-)

 

rgds,

 

nisus

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first the deadlines...

 

F that! First your wife.

 

That string of events are all external pressures. These things pass, no matter how difficut they are at the time. When things get to be too much then you know you have to give up on, or screw up on, some things. That becomes your advantage becasue its up to you to choose what to lose and what to keep. What is most important to you?

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Srry Ernest, I didn't explain everything well...

 

She leaves tomorrow to be with her family so she can rest and grief...

We did try to talk smooth for the goodbye (which went pretty well, despite the circumstances). So when she is gone, there is nothing else I can do but to minimize the damage to the company... I've been out of circulation for 3 weeks now...

 

I need rest myself too...

 

nisus

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Dang. I'll just do this in english...

so today i got this flyer from this dancing school in my mailbox. And the middle picture catches my eye.."that's Jamie?!"

First i figured it was just someone looking like her...cause she's american, what would she be doing in a dancingschool in Gent. But suddenly I notice her dancing partner...Nisus!

 

Last thing I heared from Jamie was that she was married. And now i see both of you, years after our trip in London together. (found this site becaus eof the shirt btw...:p). First I read about the marriage! excited as hell for you guys, till i get to page 5 :(

 

Evert dude...I'm really really sorry you guys couldn't make it work. for both of ya. :( take care m8

 

 

Demis

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Hi all,

 

this is the former (who wishes it wasn't former) 'missnisus'...

 

I hestitated to post because I know this is his space and I don't want him to feel violated. However, I see a post from an old friend here and I had the pleasure of meeting many of you at Siggraph.

 

I just arrived to my hometown and I realised something on that very long flight. I made the largest mistake of my life. I was grieving and my head was not on straight. I should have talked to him and asked for his support instead of just having a kneejerk reaction and leaving. I know my mom needs me and he would have understood that even though I did not feel so at the time. I know that when we were here I could not and did not take the time to grieve properly. I felt guilty that my mom was all alone when I should have been helping her too. Like Evert said it was a combination for disaster that would have broken up the strongest of longtime couples.

 

I just want to say publicly that I love him more than I have ever loved anyone. I realised on that plane what I lost - not only my dad but my best friend and the man I wanted to be my life partner. My parents thought that he was the perfect man for me - my dad was elated that he asked him this summer if he could marry me. I was too. I still think he is the perfect man for me - I think we just got a little lost along the way.

 

So for what it is worth - I am sorry Evert and I love you. Take your time to repair the damage. I hope that when you have that you'll still find that what we had is worth fighting for because I do.

 

jamie

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WOW! Sounds like you guys should really talk. Real time maybe on a phone. At this point I think we all need the follow info but you 2 have a lot to say to each other.

 

The reason I married my wife or at least the 1 thing that made me stay around to talk about marriage was that I knew (still do) that when times got rough that she would work with me to make things better. She made me that commitment early and she has stood by it. But I knew that when things fell apart she would show up in the morning or when the dust settled and would work on making it better. I don't think you can ask for a better example of whether a relationship will work.

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Well hell all... I just can't believe all of this...

 

To you people from CGA: it is through Demis that I got to know Jamie. Seven years ago, he was late for his train to Ostend, missed the boat to Dover and also the connection train to London, so he could never pick her up on time... Luckily I was living in London at that time and picked the poor girl at Heathrow... ow ow ow... I only knew Demis from IRCnet, never had seen him irl... so strange so strange... What luck that you recognised us on the folder of the dancing school??? What luck I was wearing my CGA-T-shirt??? ow ow ow... Well, pls fwd your real adress somewhere in a private mail, so we can come and visit you! ,-)

 

And for Jamie: we are working on it... ,-)) love you

 

rgds,

 

nisus

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Make it work kids! It was faith that brought you together and it'll be love that makes it complete (again)...there goes my tough guy reputation hah! ;-)

 

Yeah, seeing you guys on that folder was strange to say the least. I was talking about our time in london just a few weeks back with two of the girls that joined us that last weekend.

 

i'll pm ya my adress ;) we can hook up soon for a drink!

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