STRAT Posted May 4, 2007 Share Posted May 4, 2007 HP Brown Sauce is the cure for any dull food. you're just sick and evil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STRAT Posted May 4, 2007 Share Posted May 4, 2007 Let's keep this to breakfast, please! -Half&half is half whole milk + cream -Cream is cream, or milk, or worse powdered white sugary plastic -Reduced fat is 2% milk, which also happens to be 'half-fat' since milk is about 4% fat -Lowfat is 1% fat -Skim is no fun well, i only said 'half fat' milk to keep things less confusing than it could be. in the uk, i'd normally say 'semi-skimmed' instead, but heck, that'd really grind you yanks to a halt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IC Posted May 4, 2007 Share Posted May 4, 2007 A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to swear first, then you swear after me, OK?" "OK" the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. His mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast. "Oh $hit, mum, I guess I'll have some Coco Pops." WHACK!! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up and runs upstairs crying his eyes out. She looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know," he blubbers, "but it won't be fcuking Coco Pops." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koper Posted May 4, 2007 Share Posted May 4, 2007 man, I have to stop reading this thread, people here in my office are starting to laugh by just watching me! good joke man! now it feels like friday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STRAT Posted May 4, 2007 Share Posted May 4, 2007 Late last Saturday night a young chap was walking home from a club. It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then suddenly he heard a strange noise....... BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement,through the driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road. BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ He froze to the spot, he couldn't t believe his eyes, as the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly....It was a coffin (casket). Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home. BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster......... BUMP........BUMP...... BUMP........BUMP.. BUMP........BUMP...... The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him...... BUMP........BUMP...BUMP... BUMP........BUMP...BUMP... BUMP........BUMP...BUMP... He started to sprint, but so did the coffin ....... BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP. BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..... BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP. Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys, His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and slumped into his comfy chair. Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase..... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........ BUMP...SCREECH...HOP..BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew off its hinges.... The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young terrified lad. BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet...... He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin.......still it came ........ BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it .....still it came...... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH... He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ......still it came...... BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........ The coffin stopped Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koper Posted May 4, 2007 Share Posted May 4, 2007 wtf, you trippen mate? hahahaha tahnxAmillion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Posted May 4, 2007 Share Posted May 4, 2007 *Groan* (I should have quoted it, huh?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koper Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 and good mornin to every one, today is gonna be a long day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STRAT Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 why, busy? today is gonna be long for me because i got absolutely nothing on. (work that is). i'll probably spend 90% of today faffing about online. any usefull suggestions how to best use my online time? (no games or pron ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trevor Tizard Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 Well you could look for some really corny jokes to keep us all entertained! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koper Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 good idea, be the entertainer!! we have deadline on monday for 10 images, ps work just started and i just saw that none of the driveways line up and have got grass before the entrance (dam) ontop of that i think i have caught a cold o well, back the work work work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STRAT Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IC Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 Now that actually did make me 'Lol'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdarcy Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 Well ...good afternoon to ye all , I've more or less met my deadline for tomorrow, and i can now start winding down to my holiday in Tobago leaving tomorrow night.... yeeeha !!! Bring on the rum and the sun burn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koper Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 Rum in the Sun, I see you like living dangerously:eek: have FUN!! now i need a holiday tooo:( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest STU_P Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 I'm currently site surveying a factory at the end of an airport runway, I have to watch people jetting off on holiday every 15 mins. no jealousy brewing what so ever! Plus it's raining. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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